Hate, Hate, Hate!

Soulja Boy Douche's

The Hate Goes On...

Bell Ringing Douche!

The Hate Continues

Day two of Texas Tech douchebaggery.

This Guy!

Let The Hate Begin...

OK... its 11:57 on Christmas night. I'm gonna wait three minutes before we go on with this post. Talk amongst yourselves... I'll give you a topic. The Holy Roman Empire was neither Holy nor Roman... discuss.

Ok, lets get in on. Its time to let the hatred flow toward west Texas. Where to begin? It seems like its been so long since we've had the opportunity for post season hatred. And yet something about this year seems so familiar. Is it the Cotton Bowl... the site of our last post season heroics? Either way, Christmas is over and now its time to prepare. Lets spend the next few days discovering why Texas Tech is such a haven for douche bags...


Who was that masked man?

Oh yeah... it's the "Guns Up!" douche.

Corn Dogs... A Pictorial And Explanation

“LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.

Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.

LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.

I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.

I am afraid that they’ll know I said it. I’ll walk past an LSU fan someday, and he’ll see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, “gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?” The next thing you know, I’ll have flat tires on my car.
If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU fans how they smell - you know, like corn dogs.

LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.

I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, “Wow, LSU sure does have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game.”

It’s hard. I know. It’s like when you’re having sex and you try to think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming. It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: “Gee, I wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like a corn dog?”; or “Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying to make me think it is a real person?” or “What did that giant corn dog just say?” or “Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly like corn dogs smell?” or, of course, after a silencer: “Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?”

Heck, after what I’ve heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That’s okay.

You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But don’t be obvious about it. Somehow they know you’re trying not to breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They’ll likely punch you for that if they catch on to what you’re doing.

If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it’ll permeate your whole body, and then you’ll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But don’t say, “Dang, now I smell like a corn dog.” They take offense to that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff. Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just don’t say it. If you do start smelling like a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?

I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in their expression - indicating they smell corn dogs - might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that’s
dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you drive - on some other weekend

I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog stuff. What puzzles me most is that I’ve never actually seen any of these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there’s no mystery there - maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows?

Maybe there’s a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there. Maybe, there’s a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply - kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird. The big political issue during the city election is whether they should add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don’t comment on it though. It’s not politically correct over there. It’s like a malnutrition issue or something. It’s like the corn dogs are probably added to the water to prevent starvation or something.

I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you’re thinking: “Ahhhh. Here I am in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I’ll bet the people here smell just like boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufee’ or some fancy Cajun food.” But just stop thinking that. That’s just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.

In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn dog odor. And don’t try masking the odor with something stronger. They’ll curse at you. They’ll say something like: “WTF, how dare you smoke a cigar in my home,” or “WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of corn dogs?” and they’ll cuss out your kids too: “WTF!!! Little Mister fancy pants over here acts like he doesn’t want to smell like corn dogs.”

Cajuns are not like us. Don’t you see that, yet? They are really sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know, I know. We sniff the bammers and the UGA dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don’t press your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Don’t refer to Death Valley as corn dog valley either. I mean that’s just wrong. Even if you’ve been drinking, they’ll beat you up and curse out your kids.

Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction - even if you’re laughing about something else. Like baseball or football, or sex or whatever. If you can’t control yourself and you must laugh though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their corn dog body odor from a distance or that you’re choking on it or something. They’ll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort.

So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams. You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.

Enough with this corn dog talk. Let’s play ball…”

Saturdays In The Fall...A Pictorial

Before we launch into the annual wonderfulness that is LSU Hate Week,  I think there are few loose ends that need to wrapped up concerning our trip to Auburn last week for their football game with Georgia.  As stated in earlier posts, this was my first trip to the plains and now, in hindsight, I gotta say it was a pretty good time... not too painful.  Still doesn't come close to the game day experience at Ole Miss.  

The powers that be decided it would be best if this game was the "JP or Lincoln Financial or whatever they calling  it" game of the week, so that meant an early start from Atlanta to get there for the 11:30 kickoff.  In addition to the early kickoff, I learned that the friends we were going to meet for the pre-game festivities would be tailgating in a parking deck.  Needless to say, my expectations weren't too high.  We secured the tickets and then hunted around Auburn for a liquor store to replenish supplies... that drive was a little longer than anticipated.  What we found was perhaps the worst liquor store in all the land but were successful in stocking up on some of their top shelf vodka... Popov in a plastic bottle!  All this took more time than we figured so we just ended up eating lunch in our parking spot and heading for the stadium.  Here's the deal.  I thought the plains were supposed to flat.  Seems like we damn near scaled a mountain trying to get up to campus.  There were moments when I was looking for sherpa support and fixed ropes.  Got to our seats just in time to find out we missed the damn bird... the only thing I really wanted to see was that bird flying around the stadium... and we missed it.  Like I said, we had great seats and by great seats I mean seats on the 50.  Turns out my friend is the great grand daughter of some guy named Hare... as in Jordan Hare Stadium.   Which also means were sitting around a bunch of uptight alumni... who sat quietly most of the game.  The rest of the stadium, however, was pretty rowdy.  Its been a long time since I've been in a honest to God hostile environment.  The game turned out to be better than expected but I didn't care.  I was more concerned with updates of the absolute shellacking that was happening in Oxford.  In the end the dawgs won another game in the waning moments and I had the rare opportunity walk around with a little swagger knowing we had already beat the war eagle tigers just a couple of weeks earlier.


Game day festivities

Team is about to come out

A crappy season...but full stadium

Waving that flag

Sun finally came out





disgustingly small tron

Wingnut

Hug It Out

Damn... we were having a nice afternoon then she showed up

Tomorrow morning... very early in the morning... I'll be making my first trip down to the "loveliest village below the gnat line" for a tackle football game... or whatever Auburn claims to be playing these days. Anyway, I'm actually going to be cheering for Auburn (the precise reason I didn't want to go when they were playing Ole Miss is so I could throw my wife a bone and for once in my life cheer for her team). It should feel like an Ole Miss game of season's past... the wartigers staying close then miserably fading in the second half and snatching defeat from victory's grasp. At least I'll get to see old Wingnut again before he's given the gate next week after he's been mounted by Mount Cody.

He's coming for you Tommy!

Just wondering... do you think they will be papering Toomer's Corner?  Or should I leave my TP at the house?

To The Victor Go The Spoils...mmmmwwwahahahaha!

This is a little late in getting posted but here are the results from the annual Tait Family "Don't You Dare Talk To Me... Cuz I sure Ain't Talkin' to you" week. For the next year or so, if you drive down Shore Dr. in Suwanee, GA., you will see this glorious site. If you drive down the street at a certain time each morning you will see this site plus my wife (an Aubarn grad) doing a solo Hotty Toddy and doing her Elvis impression as she sings Dixie.... what a glorious way to greet the day!

Auburn... Let Me Try and Tell You Why They Suck... Part 2

Once again confusion reigns supreme in south Alabama. What is it about the Greater Opelika Metroplex that can cause such incertitude? Perhaps, as we will soon see, it is a lack true identity. Who are you? The plainsmen? The tigers? War Eagles? It's so hard to keep it all straight. You can blame your football team's output this year on the failed "spread eagle" offense but I would suggest the problem is much much deeper. The lack of a united fan base might just be the cause. Any given saturday you might have 75,000 rabid rednecks each screaming a different name at the team. Now these young fellows, just being who they are (long on athletic ability but short on smarts), can't seem to keep it all straight. While they might remember a coach saying something about plainsmen, war eagle, or tiger during their recruiting, in the heat of the battle it all gets very confusing and sounds like boos. Come on Aubarn, make up your mind. Your poor team needs you to put up a united front! Oh yeah... a little less of this might help as well!

Auburn... Let Me Try and Tell You Why They Suck... Part 1

The Loveliest Village on the Plains... Really?


And so begins Auburn Hate Week 2008. Easy pickins' this week. Where to start? We don't have to look very hard to see why the "spread eagle" offense didn't work out well this year for the tigers. Confusion runs rampant in south Alabama and its hard, we will see, for these folks to commit to anything.
First off, a little geography lesson. The folks outside of Opelika like to refer to their town as the "loveliest village on the plains". Now, I'm not sure where this comes from. Southeastern Alabama doesn't even make map. Its actually about 3 1/2 states east of the border of the map! The plains? Come on! You're nowhere near them. When's the last time a dust storm or tumble weed blew threw town? Seen any locusts lately? I bet not.
Get it together folks.
Honestly is the best policy. Lets go with "loveliest village in the middle of nowhere" or "loveliest village on the way to Destin".
Better yet... "Damn its humid here and we're below the gnat line".

Arkansas... The Dark Side Of The Moon

I've longed believed that Jackson, Mississippi was the actual arm pit of this great nation of ours. I mean, I have people in Jackson and the surrounding areas and I used to drive through there on a regular basis to go to my Grandmother's house in Laurel all the time. I didn't know a whole lot then and I don't claim to know a whole lot now but I would be willing to bet that in or around the greater Jackson metroplex at this very moment part of 1-55 is shut down for some sort of construction. In twenty odd years of traveling up and down that highway, I have never not been stuck in some horrendous traffic caused by about 3 and half miles of cones. I live in ATLANTA and I'm saying the Jackson, Mississippi is the actual gate to the underworld! We played a couple of games a year in Jackson when I was at Ole Miss and I can honestly say I hope I never have to go to Jackson again for a football game.
Anyway, after spending a great deal of this week reading the various blogs and message boards concerning Houston Nutt's retrun to Fayetteville, I think I can confidently say that Jackson ain't so bad! You know what else? Baton Rouge ain't so bad. I'll even go so far as to say Tuscaloosa ain't so bad. Starkville ain't so... never mind... it is that bad. No, I would have to say the pitiest of the pit, the lowest of the low, the absolute nadir of society live just on the other of the side of the river from Memphis. Thank you, Lord, that in your divine providence you chose to protect the fair city of Memphis and all points east with a large expanse of water! These people are the largest flock of gaggling neanderthals that ever walked the planet. They're mad that Houston Nutt left but had such a deep seeded hatred for the man while he was coach there. They spend every waking moment away from Walmart doing they're very best to personally and professionally destroy the man. Come on... make up your mind. They continue to pepper our fan sites with profanity laced, vile and putrid statements concerning our football program and fair university in general. They just can't get over the fact that in the great scheme of things they are... an after thought. Yes, Baton Rouge and Tuscaloosa draw more than their fair share of dirtbags each and every Saturday but be proud Fayetteville... you are the dirtiest of the dirtbags! And you BBQ sucks!

This One Is On Me...

Ok... I've had a couple of minutes now to gather my thoughts and I have to say I might have had something to do with the outcome of today's game... as a matter of fact this loss might be completely on me. During the Florida game I created, what I thought were, the correct conditions for watching an Ole Miss game. Today, however, I realized at halftime that I had not re-created said conditions. Apparently, during the Florida game I found the lucky spot on our couch. I also carried a broken piece of table from my kids' room (the lucky stick) and had my Ole Miss hat on. Today, i was distracted by the fact that we were in the midst of garage sale... before you lay into me, it ended well before kick-off... but I'll say it had me thinking of things other than the game this afternoon. Anyway, as the first half came to a close I realized that I, like the Rebels, needed to make some adjustments. I was sitting on the wrong side of the couch, I didn't have my hat and the stick was no where to be found. By the time the third quarter started I was on the other side of the couch, my hat was on my head and, whatdya know, the stick was still under the couch where it landed as I lost consciousness during the Florida game. With the universe re-aligned we saw a very different game in the second half. Turns out it might have been too little too late... So, in a very Tebowesque way, complete with quiver lip and tight chest, I tell you that no one will work harder the rest of the season to make sure I am on the right side of the couch with hat and lucky stick in hand... I want to apologize to the whole Rebel nation... No one will work harder to make sure our entire fan base will create the correct mojo to insure a trip to Memphis or at least Shreveport during the holidays. Again, I want to apologize to the entire Rebel nation. I didn't respect the mojo... what's that you say... No, the 10 points we gave them on turnovers didn't really come into play.
One other thing...

This guy, Gary Danielson, is a major douchebag. I don't think I've ever heard such butt kissing in all my life. I mean, everyone knows Tim Brando and Les Miles are (not so) secret love buddies. But who knows what goes on between Gary, John Parker and Saban? If I ever completely lose it and go on a nationwide killing spree I'm only going to shoot Brando's dog but Gary, you made the list. I hope we never play on CBS ever again!

Off Week Post... A Quick One

Just a quick hey howdy hey from the heart of the Bluegrass. We're taking advantage of the off week to come up here and watch the horses run in a circle. Its a happenin' weekend up here in Lexington. We got the Gamecocks in town for a tackle football game and last night was midnight madness for the basketball Cats. I guess its kind of like the spring game at most colleges...only here they sold out Rupp Arena to watch the basketball team practice at midnight (something about the official ncaa starting time for basketball). Anyway, there was a ruckus downtown last night. OK... we're off!

The Rebs... 24 Hours After A Crushing Loss To South Carolina

Ok... I've had about a day to deal with yesterday's game and have come up with some new insights concerning the state of affairs concerning our football team.  Hopeless is a good word to describe my feelings shortly after the game but that was when I still had the echo of the Myrtle Beach Talk Radio homers ringing in my ears.  This afternoon I had a chance to see the replay on the TV and I have to honestly say that I had my hope restored.  Yes, I am still disappointed in the outcome but now that I have had a while to process and seen the game with my own eyes all is not lost.  It seems like we lost the game in the last 4 minutes of the third quarter and the first 4 minutes of the fourth.  We played relatively well the rest of the game.  The only questions that linger now concern the absence of defense in the second half... oh, how I long for a game like Greg Hardy had last year against Alabama.  And I do wish Dexter would hold on to the ball inside the 5.  But think about this... even though he's hated like a case of the clap, Spurrier is good offensive coach.  More importantly maybe is the fact that we, put up more points on the nation's top defense than anyone else this year... more than Georgia and more than everyone's apparent SEC champ, Vandy.  

As I look at the rest of the schedule I do see at least 3 more wins in there.  I feel pretty confident in our efforts against State, Arkansas and Louisiana Monroe.  I also feel pretty confident against Aubarn, as well.  All in all, a much better place than where we've been in the past couple of years.  Call me crazy but I think we'll be playing football after Thanksgiving.

Cooler heads now prevail... Hotty Toddy!

Are There Forces Against Us?

Well, another debilitating loss has me wondering.  Did someone a long, long time ago take a little trip out to the Delta in the middle of the night?  Somewhere out in the middle of no where on Highway 61?  Did they have a little meeting with Ol' Scratch?  Has someone sold our souls' unbeknownst to us?  This is just heartbreaking now!  So, I'm left to wonder.  Have we got the mojo on us?  Please let us know!  Someone somewhere has got to have the answer.  Seriously, I'd like to know if it is spiritually impossible for us to win consistently.  I'm tired of getting all jazzed up if forces are against us.  Let us know so we can just concentrate our efforts on having a good time in the Grove.  

We have a week off to get our spiritual house in order before heading into Tuscaloosa where it is more than likely that Ol' Scratch is currently coaching.  Start Praying NOW!

Commercials... A New Low

I have often wondered who comes up with commercial we see each week as we watch our teams on the TV. Sometimes they're good and make us proud to be associated with such institutions of higher learning. Sometimes... not so good. Well, you would have thought Mississippi State's "Step Into It" commercials would have easily taken the prize as the cheesiest college commercials ever created...yes, they have a couple in the top 5 all time worst TV commercials but what else would expect from a bunch of farmers producing TeeBee adds with MS Moviemaker?
This week I give what could be the worst of the worst. I offer it to you knowing that my wife actually attended class for a few years down on the "loveliest little village on the plains"... whatever that means... so I'll probably catch hell for the next few days. This particular commercial is offensive on many fronts... to public institutions of education, families who re-unite and fly fisherman. They even to attempt to give it a little street cred by telling us it's based on a true story. I would submit that if it was truly based on factual events we would not see a float plane in a remote Alaskan mountain lake but rather some slack jawed yokel landing his crop duster in a field next to a catfish pond where he would be cane polling some stink bait or chicken livers for a mess of those slimey suckers.
Anyway, check it our for yourselves...

Auburn is Cheesey!

Tight Chested and Quiver Lipped

Scarlett O'Tebow
I think somebody got their feelings hurt... oh... no I think someone got rocketed in the chin by Patrick Trahan... but it looked clean from here!
I feel like at some point during this video the theme song from Gone With The Wind should have cranked and we'd have a soft dissolve of Tebow's silhouette against a glorious sunset.

From there we hear...
As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never lose a football game again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never lose a tackle football game again.

Hotty Toddy!!!!!!

FINALLY!!!! What a difference a week makes!

Just as the fog is lifting

Made the ride down Corridor X last weekend to catch the Johnnys play the 'Dores and now getting to place where all the events of the past week can be accounted for. In retrospect this trip was fraught with signs that things were not going to go our way, the first bad omen being trying to find gas at three different exits in the greater Oxford/Anniston metroplex. Every station we came to had those wonderful black bags on every pump. It was so bad that we were checking to see who Jacksonville State and Ryan Periloser were playing so we could at least catch a tackle football game while we waited for the effects of Hurricane Ike to wear off. Bad omen number 2... a bad rack of ribs once we arrived in Memphis. I have been talking dry ribs up with my buddy every since we got this trip on the calendar. Spouting off about how wonderful the ribs are at Central BBQ.... just juicy, tender, fall of the bone ribs. What did we get? Glorified jerky. I couldn't believe it. With the arrival of friday we had a glimmer of hope restored. BBQ redemption was theme for the day. We went to the one place where I knew disappointment wasn't on the menu and we finally had the taste of bad ribs out of our mouth. Belly and flask full we headed downtown to take in the atmosphere in the Peabody Lobby. My grandmother was convinced that the bloody marys created in the lobby bar are by far the best on the planet. I always try to take new guests to Memphis down there for at least one cocktail. We ended up hanging out for a bit then met my brother at another spot for an after work drink and bad omen number 3... locked keys in the car. Took us a little while but it is good to know we could boost a car if we had to! We decided to take it to the house for dinner and drove back out east. While at the store buying some steaks my buddy realized that bad omen number 4 had taken residence in his wallet in the very spot where is credit card usually resided. So back downtown we went to retrieve said card... we hoped. Card back in hand we headed home to put the past two days behind us. Awoke to a beautiful saturday morning that just tasted like football season. Cool. Light breeze. We couldn't wait to head for the grove. Trip down was good. Parking? No problem. Tent? All set up. Long time friends? Reunited! Girls? A fall fashion show in the grove! Bad Omen 5? Rain... just a little bit... enough to remind us that we are Ole Miss and there are greater forces working against us. Game starts and things look great for the first quarter. Then the final bad omen rears its ugly head in the form of the final three quarters of the game. Apparently, we had crawled pretty deeply into the bottom of a bottle because things are pretty blurry until the end of the game. A thick haze covered my mind and my mouth on sunday. I didn't want to think about football anymore. Monday? The haze was gone but my disdain for football was still present. I couldn't even begin to think about Florida this weekend. Tuesday I started to rally. I actually thought about what could be in store for us this weekend. The fog lifted last night as I caught the replay on CSS. I couldn't watch past halftime. Now, there is talk of canceling the debate? We Are Ole Miss! Do the omens continue?

On our way to see the Rebels Play!

Heading to the Grove this weekend for the festivities. Can't wait to be home! I am taking a good friend to the game,,, he's a Georgia fan and has never had the pleasure of fair Oxford on game day. Now that I think about it, everyone I've taken to a game has been a Georgia fan. A couple of years ago I carried my good friend and his new wife to Oxford for an Ole Miss/ Georgia game. My wife and I gave them tickets as a wedding gift because... damn it, know one needs that much china! We cruised in of friday night and I drove them by stadium. Of course the gate was unlocked so we went out on the field. Cutcliffe was out there talking to reporters and trowing the ball with some kids and came over to talk to us. Say what you want about David Cutcliffe... yes he's a wheezin' heart attack waitin' to happen and we're better off without him... but he's a nice guy. He came over, introduced himself and was very nice to me and my friend (who I introduced as a rabid dawg fan). He told to enjoy ourselves and headed off... didn't run us off the field or anything. I miss the ole days when no one bothered to lock up Vaught. We lost that game but were competitive until the end.
I took a couple of other Dawgs to Oxford a few years back. Ed Gump was the coach and we, again, were competitive, had a couple of calls not go our way and... lost. The atmosphere was impressive. My friends definitely enjoyed themselves. They were most impressed by the enormous port o potties with the hot and cold running water and air conditioning... "We ain't never seen anything like it!"
What does this weekend have in store for us? Well, I don't know. We're playing Vandy, who is (and it pains me to even type this) undefeated. When I think about my days as an undergrad, there are two teams that I remember having more problems beating. Vandy and Tulane. For some reason...those guys are in our head. Who knows about this week? All I know is that it is going to be good to be in the Grove again. I want to see it all and have my friend see and experience the game day experience at its finest. With that said, here is what I don't want to see...

these guys are douche bags!

You the Man... cuz you beat the Man!

Yep... the Nature Boy took one (or more) on the chin the other night. This time at the hands of his daughter's 22 year old boyfriend. Question is what kind of punk picks on an old man and national treasure like Ric Flair?
Here is what Chapel Hill police found when they reported to a domestic dispute call early the other morning...



"The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes was not found at the scene but had this to add...

Something nice for a change...

While we tend to be bit snarky around here, its time to live into the mantra of mothers everywhere... that being "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Well, I heard a couple of very positive comments today in regards to our recent tackle football game with the Demon Deacons of Wake Forest University. Jim Grobe made an appearance on the Scott Van Pelt show (of ESPN fame) earlier today and had nothing but positive remarks about Ole Miss and our beloved football program. He went on and on about our team on both sides of the ball. Very refreshing! Also, I came across on article in the Memphis Commercial Appeal recounting the loss to Wake. The first paragraph of the article recounted how the Rebels received a sincere standing ovation from the Wake fans as they exited the field on Saturday. Considering the state of college athletics and their fan bases these days, it is just nice to see folks appreciating an honest effort and good contest.

Coach's Show Tuesday- Petrino

Last week I was little tough on Ol' Sly Croom and that half ass operation he's associated with down Starkneckville. After catching the Bobby Petrino Show this afternoon, I have to offer my apologies to Croom. They are not running the worst program in the nation... no that honor goes to the necks in Fayetteville. What an absolutely crappy waste of my time. I'm not sure but I think Richard and his lovely wife of Cabot made an appearance as the show got under way.  Incidentally, I believe Richard chose to wear his wedding outfit to the game on Saturday.  Lots and lots of lip cheese and scraggly long hair.  Classic!  The Hogs lucked into a win because whatever high school they were playing missed the field goal that would have sealed their fate.  Bobby had little positive to say about his team's performance which is understandable.  My only question is why this guy and this school get an hour for the show?  Clearly too much time to talk about a performance like they had on Saturday.  Which, in the long run, meant more crappy commercials with has-been hogs.  What a joke!

On the home side of things, I also caught Reverend Nutt's weekly address to our faithful congregation.  We have got to get a better theme song!  Now!

Finally, Tommy Tuberville has awfully large ears.

Ok, Saban is on so I'm gonna go kill myself.

damn it

well... we covered!

Wake Forest... a reminding!

I spent the better part this week a little worried about the game tomorrow in Winston.  I think most of my anxiety stems from a drubbing the Johnnys sustained at the hands of deacs two years ago in a driving rain.  At that time we had a glorified shrimp'n boat captain at the helm and he should have been able to better deal with the squal.  Anyway, they handed our fannies to us.  To add to those wonderful memories I also had the every sports guru in the country repeating the "Wake is the class of the ACC" mantra all week long.  "Oooohhhhh... Riley Skinner!"  Anyway, I was a little worried.  Actually, I was hoping for a rain out.  I seriously wanted to the remnants of Hurricane Hanna to park themselves over Winston Salem and cause a postponement.   Then it hit today.  Wake is in the ACC!  The weak ass ACC.  What in the world are we worried about?  Its the ACC!  And, more often than not, they are in the bottom of ACC!  I started to do a little digging.  Not only is Wake generally at the bottom of the ACC, they also historically reside at the bottom of the NCAA all time (go ahead and scroll down to #105).  So, I'm no longer worried about tomorrow afternoon.  I see it more as an opportunity to remind Wake from whence they came.  They've been getting a little big for the britches lately and its time for a little "reminding!"  Good Lord, its the ACC!

ps.  Scroll on up to #89 to find Sly and the boyz (Ha Ha... that's hilarious!)  They are even below Vandy and Kentucky!

Kige is MONEY

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10 10 on the side...

I don't think my dog bit you, mister. 'Cause Fred definately DON'T like grease!

Sad day.... sad sad day. America has lost one of its favorite sons. Jerry Reed passed away this day after a battle with emphysema.
Jerry uttered one the great lines in movie history when he told Burt Reynolds (that handsome devil, Bandit) he'd meet him on the other side of Ole Miss. I'm sure Jerry has all the Coors beer he could ever want now that he's North Bound and down.

Sly Dog on the television

I caught the first addition of this season's Houston Nutt show this afternoon but before that wonderful experience I had to sit through the end of this season's first Sly Croom show. I was a little intrigued because this weekend all the planets seemed to fall into place for the first time in a long time. The Rebs were victorious in the Nutt debut and to add a cherry to top, Sly and the boys from MooU suffered defeat at the hands of a glorified high school team down in Ruston, La... hilarious!
Personally, I find it difficult to be too hard on ol' sly because he looks so pitiful in defeat... although considering his victory lap and tearful diatribe after last year's Egg Bowl... I'm getting over it! Back to the show this afternoon. I remember rushing home from church when I was kid to catch the Billy Brewer show and having to sit through the Jackie Sherril show as well. I remember this old geezer co-hosting the show then and was surprised to see they same old bastard on the show this afternoon as well. I kept wondering where in the hell they were shooting the show and then it finally struck me... they were shooting this show, complete with an extraordinary pitiful looking Croom in the stadium parking lot. The kicker was that, as backdrop, they parked an tractor tailor, complete with an airbrushed telephone number to call if you are interested in season tickets. After the week the bullies had I would bet that number hasn't been ringing too much latelly!

D-Bag O the Week

Just wondering how many folks out there happen to catch the Bachelor doing color commentary on the South Carolina/ NC State game the other night. If you did then you undoubtedly caught a glimpse of what Jesse Palmer probably looked like when his mom took dressed him for Sunday School when he was four. Damn if that man's tie barely made it half way down his shirt. Which leads us to believe that it was probably a clip-on.
You would think that if a man spent a season as this country's most eligible he would have learned to tie a double windsor but no, not Jesse, its hard for him to look in the mirror and not confused. Well... what is to be expected from a guy who spent his formative years in Gainesville? It was probably all the wardrobe folks could do to get him out of his jorts.

Rammer Jamme... I can't even type it!

The pride of the tide nation... poor Bear being immortalized on the back of this tool!
And should we forget this taste of class...

Sweet Lou

First Game Day of the season this morning. Corso, of course was a tool and sweet Lou was treading a thin line. Made me think of this jewel from the blogosphere...

South FLA Goodness

"I wanna do Hoodrat stuff with my friends..."

Good Things... Woodford Reserve

Well... school started this week so it looks like summer is on the way out.  You wouldn't know it by the weather, because, DAMN, it is still hot and humid.  Nonetheless, I spent a little time each morning this week at the bus stop making sure my little folks at least made it that far.  To cap the week off we had a little cook-out at our house last night... you know, a couple of good friends and great food... kind of a last hoorah of summer.  Of course, we also watched Phelps win (barely this time) another gold medal... seven down... one to go!

As I was into my third vodka tonic, I realized that many of the rules that just make good fashion sense also apply to liquor as well.  Yes, soon enough we would be putting the vodka away for the season and dusting off the bourbon for another fall football season.  I'm sure there are some folks out there that just continue with the same libations all year long but for me bourbon is much more enjoyable in the cool fall air rather than the high humidity of summer. 

I spent a couple of years in Lexington, Ky and it was here that I refined my bourbon tastes.  Up unto this point in my life, my bourbon experience was limited to Jim Beam bought at Kiamie's and the only thing I really knew was that there was something magical that happened when you mixed a bourbon and coke in Vaught Heminway... perhaps it was the fact that the concoction was stirred with flag stick.   While the bluegrass isn't known as a football powerhouse, they do produce some dang good racehorses and bourbon.  Like I said, it was here that I had my bourbon horizon's expanded.  But it wasn't until a couple years later that I wandered upon, what I consider, one of the best bourbons you can find on the shelf at just about any local liquor store.  Woodford Reserve and water has taken the place of the Beam and coke.... heck it has even replaced Maker's Mark. 

My buddy had a convertible and one of our favorite pastimes was "country roadin".  We used to just drop the top and drive through the storied bluegrass horse farms late at night.  During my last visit to Lexington we drove out to the Woodford Distillery.  Words cannot accurately describe how cool it really is... just one of those unique places that does one thing really well.  

Good Things... Chinese Fir at Augusta National

As the "good" thoughts continue I turn my attention to the world of golf and more directly a couple of hours east on I-20 to Augusta.  I have had the good fortune to visit Augusta National a couple of times now and, much like Keeneland, there is no place like it on earth.  I vividly remember walking down the 5th fairway and marveling at the immaculate grass that serves as the rough or "second cut" around Augusta.  I'm not sure I can say this clear enough but I will try.  You need to go to Augusta once in your life.  I don't care if you are golf fan or not you need to experience the grandeur that is the Masters.  

Here's the cool thing about Augusta National and their tournament... the membership owns it... all.  You know... the old coots in the Green Jackets.  They own the tournament and everything associated with it.  And because most of those guys already have more money than Bill Gates, they don't care if they make any or not.  So, what you won't find are $9 beers and $10 hotdogs (just an aside here... a couple of years later the Atlanta Athletic Club hosted the PGA Championship and not only did I pay an insane amount for concessions but you couldn't find a Coke anywhere near the place.  Apparently the PGA sold its soul to Pepsi.  Who would of ever thought you couldn't get a Coke in the city of Atlanta?)  I think I paid $1.25 for a Pimento Cheese Sandwich and $1.50 for a beer!  I also know I paid $5 to park in someone's driveway and then they gave me and my buddy a ride to front gate in a golf cart... I guess that's just a perk of having the two largest golf cart companies in town.

Here's the deal with the Masters... every tom, dick and Tiger Breaux wants be there on the weekend and I guess that's cool but for my money the practice rounds are where its at... not as many people and just a little more laid back.  During my first trip to Augusta I did what every one does... I back tracked my way back to the clubhouse and walked over to see who was on the driving range.  After that, prompted by rumors that Tiger was finishing the front nine, I tried to beat the crowd to Amen Corner.  I found a seat in the grandstand behind the 12th tee box and spent about an hour just watching all the goings on at golf's most famous corner.  Wonderful? You bet but, again, any fool from tigerland could find themselves here.  Right behind the grandstand is a concession area and behind that is the 14th fairway.  Fourteen doesn't get a lot of play on TV.  It's not one of those famed holes at Augusta where the Master's has been won or lost.  It's kind of forgotten.  After I left the grandstand at Amen Corner, I made my way to the 14th fairway.  It was cool and shady... and perfect.  I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in the shade and watched the best golfers in the world make their way up the 14th fairway.   There were no crowds... as a matter of fact my buddy and I were the only ones sitting there.  The players would stop and talk to us.  It was really cool.  There was a moment in the shade... $1.50 beer in hand... that I realized that this was a really special place!  I told my buddy to call my wife and tell I was never coming home!

Good Things... Keeneland Race Course

In an effort to continue yesterday's thread, I thought I would spend a moment looking at something (like good bbq) that Ole Miss folks could naturally sink their teeth into. When I think about the really special places I have had the pleasure to visit... the truly unique experiences... this one naturally comes to mind. 

At the heart of the bluegrass lies Keeneland Race Course. This place is truly old school and it is the closest thing to the Grove I have ever experienced... lots of bourbon, girls in sun dresses and people tailgating before post time.  Now here is the down side...you will find many people playing Corn Hole, which I'm not sure is really a fun game or a way to save parking places for friends... either way, in the words of my good friend Monroe Jett, " Corn Hole?  That crap is natural girl repellant!"

Now, I know what you're gonna say!  What about Churchill Downs?  What about the Kentucky Derby?  Trust me when I say this... The Derby is cool and I guess Churchill Downs is a cool place to be one weekend a year but for the most part it is the equivalent to Tiger Stadium and Louisville... Baton Rouge.  Even the Derby ain't that swanky... especially if you find yourself in the infield.  Imagine the filth of New Orleans (in both actual trash and trashy visitors) at the height of Mardi Gras and drop it into a muddy infield and there you have it... Churchill downs at it's finest!

So, bypass that whole experience and head for Keeneland.  Trust me, Ole Miss folks, you'll feel strangely at home!

Good Things... Central BBQ

Today... well at least this morning's attention has turned away from the upcoming football season.  I've got one in the house that is celebrating her birthday today... 5 years old.  Check her out!
 

The upcoming birthday party has me in good mood and has me thinking about the good things in life.  Here is something that I recently enjoyed...

That is most definitely a "rack of dry" from, what I now consider, the new King of Ribs in Memphis.  Now, here's what really ups my blood pressure....

Yes... this is my eldest enjoying her very first dry rib!  Her reaction says it all, "I just love BBQ!"

A happy day!

Her momma is so proud... really, she probably is very proud of baby girl